“There’s nothing more badass than being who you are.”
– Darren Criss
(musician, songwriter, actor, performer, awesome badass
who seems wonderfully and genuinely himself)
Who am I?
Singer. Writer. Student. Web designer. Curvy woman finally daring to share her journey as she attempts to lose many, many pounds and get strong, healthy and badass. Want to come along for the ride?
What is this site about?
I wanted to create a place for me to fully express myself —
- About my weight, food, and self-esteem issues
- About whatever’s on my mind
and most especially…
- To boldly chart my physical and emotional progress, as I work to be my best self, make changes, examine heavy-duty baggage, lose weight, and get stronger and healthier.
(Wow. That sounds like a lot. I’m exhausted already.)
At first, I tried to make changes, but I wasn’t ready. I tried to write about what I was feeling, but I wasn’t ready. As a result, the postings (on another blog) became sporadic.
Then I hit a marker. Last February 2012, I was six months away from turning 40 years old. I wanted to reach that milestone feeling like I was working toward something, that I wasn’t just letting another year slide by where I stayed in limbo, afraid to try things, afraid to live life fully, in whatever ways made me most happy.
For six months I took a different approach, made some big efforts, and by the time I turned 40 I had lost about 40 pounds. That was barely a dent in the progress I wanted to make, but it was a good start.
Then — as it often does — life happened. Due to some terrible circumstances, I lost my job.
I had my first mammogram, which led to a series of scary, unexpected tests and biopsies, culminating in the great relief that I did not have cancer.
And I gracefully achieved not one but two injuries, which meant I completely stopped working out for about 5 months. Through all that stress, I gained back a little over 10 pounds of the weight I’d worked hard to lose.
That’s a lot of stuff to deal with, both the joyous and the not so much.
What I’ve learned so far in this journey is that time and patience are everything. There is no quick fix to be what you want to be or achieve what you want to achieve. It takes monster amounts of time, hard work, and the flexibility to understand that nothing may go as you want it to or expect it to. Sometimes life will take you in directions you hadn’t planned.
The trick seems to be: rather than fight your way backward to where you were before, find something good about your new location and move forward from there, wherever it may lead. Who knows? It may be just the direction you were meant to take, after all.
For better or for worse, here I am, at this point in my journey.
It’s a new day, a new year, and I’m ready to move forward again.
I’m going to try to write about it here.
I want this site to be so many things.
Of course, like everything else in life, the universe has a wacky sense of humor and often takes us in astoundingly different directions than originally planned. It’s kind of jarring.
Therefore, like me, this site is going to be a work in progress.
But I’m geared up now, so wherever the universe takes me, whatever it has planned for this site, so be it!
I hope you will join me on the journey. Let’s be badass and bold.